Why do people have to put others down once the idea does not come from them? I don’t get it one bit. With great subtlety, they verbally attack all around them.
I believe negative people judge and verbally attack others due to what is missing in their own lives and heart. It’s just an attempt to make them feel superior; lame isn’t it? Because of their own insecurities they put others down to look good. It rarely works, though, as real people are perceptive enough to see through it.
Dealing with people who put you down can be a painful and hurtful experience
I have had my fair share of these kinds of people and it appears they walk around a lot, because every now and then, we seem to bump into each other. I want to share with you how to handle these kinds of people. I can’t say I have mastered the art but I’m trying.
It doesn’t matter what they think, it matters what YOU think. And besides, there’s gotta be someone to look up to, and who knows? It maybe you.
I will like to start out by saying that a confident person will not put others down no matter what. They may constructively criticize you but they will never put you down. This should be an indication of the kind of person who is doing the critiquing. Some are so negative about others because they’ve gone through experiences or disturbing traumas in their past and couldn’t deal with it and so they carry the hurt and display in other ways such as self defense mechanisms. They need to make themselves feel they are in control all the time.
People’s rants against you will perhaps expose to you just how appalling and frustrated that person is with life, and that should solely be their problem not yours. Knowing this can go a long way to being able to disconnect yourself from the remarks. Emotionally detaching from a person like this can be hard to do but you need to refuse to become involved.
That person wants you to feel badly about yourself. Don’t give them that power.
it’s no use sinking to that person’s level. That’s what they want. They want to get a reaction out of you, they want you to feel bad and their intent quite likely was to hurt you.
So, by retorting with similar put downs against them actually only plays into their plan and ends up hurting yourself.
Thanks for the gift but I can’t accept it
When you feel that someone is attacking you can say to them: “That’s very generous of you but I can’t accept that.”
Words can be used for good or evil and people tend to forget how damaging their words can be against someone’s self-esteem. It’s also a cue to you that it’s their anger not yours. You don’t need to take on someone else’s affliction. They need to deal with their resentment. They may want you to accept their animosity and anger as your own, but it’s really a “gift” that you don’t need.
If you take their remarks to heart and let them fester inside of you then you’ve taken on their anger. Just let it go. You don’t need it.
I think the best answer is “Thanks you, you may be right”.
A person can’t hurt you unless you let them. It’s just a remark that why it’s your reply to the words that’s the most significant thing to look at. So you could try honestly looking at yourself to see why that person believes that particular comment is true. Are there things you could change? Can you see times when that comment is true about you?
Also, can you figure out why this particular statement bothers you so much? It’s your reaction which will teach you the most about yourself. It’s about you and not the other person in this case.
It’s so important not to sink to that person’s level by retaliating.
You could tell the person that you find their comment offensive though. Not in an angry way. Just as a statement of fact. For example, “I feel offended when you dismiss my ideas like that.” Just say it calmly and wait for their response. If possible, try to do this when you’re one on one with the person. They may not even realize that they’re putting you down.
There are times when people’s comments will seem like a put down because you’re really seeking their wholehearted approval. They could even say something like, “This is wonderful work you’ve done but could you fix the last paragraph to be stronger?” Then because you’re desperate for their approval, you don’t hear the good part, you only hear what you perceive to be a criticism in that they don’t like one section.
If you don’t take it as a put put down then you’ll be more open to taking the comment as an opportunity to improve yourself and your work.
Are They Confirming Your Story?
In some situations, you may be interpreting someone’s comments as a put down when none was intended. This could be because that’s what you’re expecting or because you’ve got an internal story happening and you see what you want to believe.
Here’s example, if someone gives you a gift, and you truly believe that this person is only out to hurt you, you’ll think something like, “sure, he’s just trying to get on my good side” or you’ll see it as insulting. When really the reality might be that they’re trying to show you how much they do care about you. So, ask yourself if you’re really hearing and seeing the situation just as it is, (nothing has any meaning until you give it meaning) or have you added your own story?
Are They Mirroring Your Beliefs?
Along with the point above is that if you feel deep inside that you’re unlovable, then people will treat you that way. If you feel you only deserve put downs and sarcasm, that is how people will treat you. So, if you discover that there’s a pattern with your relationships with other people, it may be time to ask yourself, what are your inner beliefs?
Be Aware of the Subtle Put Downs
When you stop and pay attention to the messages you’re receiving every day, you’ll discover that you’re being subjected to more put downs than you probably thought. That’s because they’re everywhere. Everywhere you go, everywhere you look, everything you read, everything you see on TV, there are ads and different groups trying to tell you that you’re not good enough if you don’t have their latest product, or if you don’t look a certain way or if you don’t have a lot of material possessions or have a certain education. They subtly attack your self esteem and your self worth.
No one likes to be criticized and it’s tempting to be sucked into their way of thinking. That’s why in order to really have a healthy self esteem, you need to be able to withstand these constant negative messages about your value.
When dealing with people like this remember:
1. Don’t retaliate with your own putdowns.
2. The comments will tell you a lot about the person who’s making the comments. It’s their anger and frustration and they should deal with it, not you.
3. Can you discover a gift within the comments? You might learn something valuable about yourself that needs to be healed or you might learn how you really feel about yourself.
4. Are you reading something into the comments that aren’t really there because you’re expecting them or because you have certain beliefs?
5. Be aware of the subtle messages (like advertising) that you hear every day which try to destroy your sense of value and self worth.
Put downs are never pleasant to deal with but if you can use them to your advantage, then that’s the best solution of all.